I laid next to my mom in a hospital bed as she took some of her last breaths. Continuous, salty tears streamed down my face as I embraced her thin frame and told her how much I LOVED her with all of my heart. I whispered that I would not be able to live without her. I needed her counsel and love.
She gently squeezed my hand.
Two hand squeezes.
Then three squeezes.
Three hand squeezes meaning, “I love you.” At a young age, we would walk hand in hand and offer our three hand squeezes with smiles, knowing exactly what we meant. Even with her last breaths, she made certain I KNEW she loved me. Truly a gift.
It has been 3 years since she transitioned to heaven with our loving God. I picture her flying with angels and being wrapped in God’s love, continuing to help many just on the other side. Losing my mom was most definitely the hardest event in my life. The loss of her physical presence in our lives was a big loss for me, my children, our whole family and many people she touched.
However, she continues to be present in our lives and shows up as a beautiful yellow Finch, beautiful synchronicities, in music, in books, in our dreams, and as a green orb in pictures. I recognize all the gifts I received from my mom even in her last moments here on Earth. I did a lot of soul work after losing my person and compass in hopes to be the best version of me, and hopefully making her smile. Never perfect just trying my best.
The biggest lesson she modeled and taught me is to always tell the people you care about that you LOVE them with your heart, words, time, and actions. Demonstrate love to strangers or people who may not be in alignment with your beliefs or someone who has done you wrong. Offer a loving smile or a stream of forgiveness to others. (They may be the ones who’s hearts need the most love.)
Radiate love in everything you do. You never know when your last breath will be.
What legacy of love do you want to have? How will you extend love to your loved ones or perhaps someone you just met? Could someone use your three squeezes? Please connect with me if you could use some extra LOVE or need support after losing someone you love.
With three gentle squeezes,
These books helped me so much with my grief.
Andy Grammer – She’d Say (with Ladysmith Black Mambazo). This song is exactly what my mom would share to her grand babies she has only met in heaven.